The Supreme Court has struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, which basically said that marriage is between one man and one woman. They also sent the case of California’s gay marriage law back because the plaintiffs did not have legal standing. The voters in California voted to make marriage between one man and one woman, and this was challenged and overturned in court. Supporters of the law challenged the ruling and the Supreme Court said that they had no standing because they were not harmed. The net result is that the lower court ruling stands and gay marriages are now allowed in California.
There is a lot going on there. Before I present my thoughts on gay marriage let me first opine on the proper role of government here.
First, the federal government had no place deciding what the meaning of marriage is. That is the right of the states. I suppose there are federal employees living in the District of Columbia that may need clarity, but in general the federal government does not need to tell States how to deal with social issues. The same would hold true for our drug laws and abortion and a host of other issues. States need to decide these things, not the federal government. Unless the issue involves constitutional rights or something else specifically enumerated to be the responsibility of the federal government, they should keep their hands off.
Second, the Supreme Court was right to strike down DOMA for the reason given in the last paragraph. If that was their reasoning I would be happy. But Justice Kennedy suggests that they would have been happy to replace DOMA with a mandate that gay marriage must be legal throughout the country. That would be unacceptable judicial activism. The Supreme Court does not exist to tell us what to believe on social issues. Our founders intended for these things to be decided by the democratic political process, by our elected representatives, not by appointed justices. The Court, and especially those on the left wing of the Court, would love to legislate from the bench on a whole host of issues. That is not their job. They have the task of deciding if the laws passed by our elected representatives are consistent with our constitution, not deciding what is right and wrong.
Putting the responsibility of deciding what is proper in terms of social issues means we may have some states doing one thing and other states doing another. It means lots more debate as the same issue is discussed and debated in every state of the country. It is messy and some may prefer that a single opinion is delivered from Washington, that we be told what to think in each state, because it is cleaner and makes things more consistent from state to state. For example, we apparently need “common core” education curriculum to be mandated from Washington so we all know what to teach our kids. Although it is messier, and more diverse, I think letting each state decide these things lets us all look at what works and what does not in 50 little experiments. It is not that difficult to move to a different state, and it is easier to influence what happens in your state than it is to have a say in laws for the whole country.
Personally, I do not see why government needs to be telling us what we can and cannot do, and who we can or cannot do it with. I do not care what happens in your bedroom or what you do in your personal life and I do not think it is the business of government either. Gay folks are already free to live together and do as they please. There are plenty of laws on the books that prevent discrimination on the basis of race, gender, or sexual orientation. So the question here is about marriage.
Why does the government have an interest in marriage? Well, if you do not have children, I can’t imagine that it does. I know there are tax consequences, but there should not be. I know there are rules about who can visit you in the hospital, but that is also ridiculous. Society’s interest in marriage is about the raising of children. It is about the formation of the essential first building block of our society, the Family.
With or without gay marriage, the family is in trouble in our society. I will not disparage single parents, many of whom are doing a wonderful job of loving and raising their children. Nor will I disparage those that have gone through divorce. Sometimes things happen and you end up where you end up and do the best you can. And I know there are already lots of gay couples raising children and doing a good job.
It used to be that we came together in a church, with lots of witnesses, after applying for a marriage license, and made a lot of promises and commitments, and got married, BEFORE getting pregnant. In fact, the idea was that you got married before you had sex. People came to witness the formation of a new family, and to show their support, and also to hold the new couple accountable. Getting pregnant out of wedlock was a scandal. Getting married in front of a justice of the peace does not carry the same level of accountability, the same commitment.
In recent years we have come to be more accepting of people having children without getting married. We have become more accepting of having sex before marriage, and aborting the baby. We have become more used to the idea that often the father of a child will simply never be involved in his child’s life. What happened to shotgun weddings? We have also gotten more comfortable with divorce, and broken families, and blended families, and third and fourth marriages. We have seen our children’s test scores suffer, and graduation rates in most major cities are around 50%. We are falling behind the rest of the world in a lot of areas in terms of our children’s performance.
Marriage is about the family, and the family is about raising children. We care about marriage because we are concerned about children. In my humble opinion, the best way to raise children is for them to be raised by their own biological mother and father, who stay married and involved. Biological parents are no more perfect than any other group in society. But when you are raised by your own parents you learn a little more about why you are the way you are. You see where you came from, genetically speaking. You come to understand the good, the bad and the ugly. You learn about your family tree, learn to know your cousins, aunts, and uncles, and how you came to be the way you are.
Although I think being raised by your own biological parents is the best thing, I realize that cannot always be the case. Parents die. Divorce is sometimes necessary because of violence or addictions. There are a host of reasons why families cannot stay together to raise their own children. My support is for a strong family unit, a good foundation for raising children. If we cannot have my ideal situation of being raised by your own biological mother and father, then I want it replaced by the strongest family unit I can get.
Gay marriage is at it’s core about marriage, marriage is at it’s core about family, and family is at it’s core about the raising of children. I support gay marriage in my state to the extent that it means what marriage should mean to heterosexuals. Gay people should get married in a church, with witnesses, and make commitments. They should get married before they have sex (wow, let that one sink in). They should not get divorced. They should be a stable family unit whether they have children or not. If they raise children they should do so with the same integrity as any heterosexual couple.
Nobody has to get married. Nobody has to have children. Nobody has to create a family. But marriage means something, it is not just a term to be thrown around. It is a lifelong commitment, and the basis of the creation of families, which are as I have said, the core building blocks of our society. Children are not raised by the village but by the family. Lots of heterosexuals have screwed up marriages, screwed up families, and screwed up children as a result. I want to see our country strengthen the family. A good strong gay couple with integrity can, in my opinion, form a strong family unit. They obviously cannot share in biological children, but they can provide a stable environment for children with discipline and love, not perfection, but integrity.
I respect those that disagree with me on this. As I said I want us to debate and discuss and talk about the issue. I do not want this issue to just be settled quickly and “put to bed”, because we need to talk about what marriage means, about what family means. It is the marriage part of gay marriage that concerns me, not the gay part.